Saturday, September 9, 2006

Top Ten Reasons Mothers Should Join the Roller Derby

Top Ten Reasons Mothers Should Join the Roller Derby
Stacey Greenberg

10. Mothers have quick reflexes. Catching a toddler from falling off of the playground ladder is just one degree away from suddenly jumping over a downed rollergirl in front of you.

9. Mothers get on-the-job-training. Toddlers con-stantly demonstrate proper hair pulling, smacking, biting, wrestling, and eye-poking techniques.

8. Mothers deserve to have an appropriate time and place for their own temper tantrums.

7. Mothers have good balance. Skating on eight wheels is a hell of a lot easier than carrying a baby on your back, a toddler on your hip, three sacks of groceries and a bulging diaper bag in your left hand and a smoothie in your right.

6. Mothers have high pain thresholds. Bruises, strawberries, and abrasions just don’t compare to labor and delivery.

5. Mothers are used to getting yelled at. “Smashimi scores again!” is a welcome change from “I.Said.I.Want.A.Juicebox.NOW!”

4. Mothers were born to multitask. Checking email while doing laundry and talking on the phone is basic training for doing crossovers while looking over your shoulder and plotting your next tactical move.

3. Mothers are expert negotiators. If you can convince your toddler to eat broccoli without alternating bites of ice cream, you can convince your team to kick ass.

2. Mothers like to play dress up too. Short skirts and striped tights are a welcome change to spit-up covered velour sweatsuits.

1. Mothers know how to stick to a schedule. If you can get your kid to sleep through the night and know exactly what s/he ate in the last 24 hours as well as what it looked like coming out, you’ll have no problem fitting 2 practices and a committee meeting into your life each week

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