Meredith’s Blog: Web Musings of an Eighteen-Month-Old

Meredith’s Blog: Web Musings of an Eighteen-Month-Old
Andria Brown

Gotta keep this short since the folks think I’m asleep and I don’t want to go through another round of Goodnight Moon, but I just had to report the results of my latest research project: Bath Water vs. Toilet Water. So far, it appears that bath water is consistently warmer than toilet water, although toilet water appears to have a more statistically significant splash range. The results of the taste comparison will have to be recorded later, since my experiments have been repeatedly interrupted by my completely ineffectual research assistant/mother.
-So said Meredith at 8:46 pm Comments: 2

What the heck do they mean, “You’re too little for CSI"? They think there’s anything on a forensics show more graphic than what I saw on my way out here?
-So said Meredith at 7:05 pm Comments:1

Okay, I don’t want to panic everyone, but I think someone is following me. I just noticed this kid lurking around almost everywhere I go. She’s really creepy, too – exactly my size, but with no facial features or clothing. She’s just dark gray all over. Sometimes she’s up against the wall, but what really freaks me out is when she’s on the floor, right under my feet. What’s even more upsetting is that no one else seems to be worried about it. I come to a dead stop and scream when I notice that I’m stepping on her, but Mom and Mamaaa (he says his name is Dad, but whatever) just laugh. What’s wrong with them?
-So said Meredith at 4:12 pm Comments:3

What’s the deal with cheese? Why is it so good?
-So said Meredith at 2:31 pm Comments:2

When am I ever going to get these people on a sleep schedule? They refuse to nap, so when the sun rises and it’s time to wake up, they’re still tired. I try to get them to go to bed with me at a reasonable hour, but they sneak off and watch TV half the night. No wonder they’re so crabby.
-So said Meredith at 2:14 pm Comments:4

My mother seems like a kind and well-intentioned woman, but I have to admit, not very bright. After a year and a half, she still looks at me with this hopelessly blank expression when I try to communicate with her. At breakfast this morning, I said, “I never realized how the construction of a robin’s nest reflects Greene’s theories on particle physics and the make-up of the universe,” and she responded by saying, “Yes, tree!” It’s a little frightening, really. Has she always been this slow, or is there a certain age when one loses the ability to critically analyze classical music or debate philosophy? Is it genetic?
-So said Meredith at 10:03 am Comments: 6